Testing and Football Analogy: The Tweeked Version!

The analogy between No Child Left Behind and football has been around for a while.  After the third day of State Testing, I decided to "tweek" it a little bit to include Value Added and some other "testy" issues...

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1. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all must win the championship. The Math Teacher (me, in our case) will get to coach the fourth quarter of the Championship Game.  The coach will have to wait on our results in his office.  If a team does not win the championship, they will be graded on a scale of :  Athletically Unacceptable - Approaching Athletic Acceptablity.  Coaches will be held accountable, even for the fourth quarter, and will receive a Bonus called "Value Added" based on fourth quarter stats.



2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities.  No exceptions will be made based on Fourth Quarter issues.

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without instruction or to give peer tutoring. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who are NOT interested in football, have limited athletic ability, or whose parents do not like football. The coaches will spend evenings making parental contacts of students who don't like football  in an effort to encourage said players to strive during practices.

4.  There can be NO extra practices held outside of the athletic PE hour and NO child will be expected to "work out", study plays or view game film at any time other than their scheduled PE hour. 

5. Games will be played year-round, but only the Championship Game will count, with special emphasis on the Fourth Quarter.

6. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals...except the Math Teacher...

"Anyone know of any math teachers out there looking for work and wanting to coach? We've currently got a full time math job open along with 1, if not 2, assistant football coaching jobs open."  Turks HS, Illinois...umm...