Gas...Can Be Costly and Ghastly

We have the absolute BEST secretary in the whole world.  Diane is my FRIEND!!!  She keeps me on the "well informed" list.  I know about all kinds of  "stuff" thanks to Diane.  Sometimes she tells me, sometimes she lets me read the newspaper she keeps at her desk, sometimes she sends me e-mail.  Today she shot me an e-mail.  I read it...I remembered...I turned red...I laughed and then I thought I'll share.  Get ready...'cause here it comes.  The e-mail was written by a humorous male author and it was about his recent trip to the doctor for a colonoscopy and the pre-treatment for such.  If you have had one of those things, you know they say they can save lives but when you are participating in the "pre-treatment" you're not really sure if your life is worth saving.  Anyway, I thought the man did an outstanding job describing the pre-treatment or the preparation for the procedure...except he called the "cleansing" formula MoviPrep...I guess that was the name of the one they gave him, but it was much later in the day when I remembered the name of the one they gave me, Go Lightly.  Believe me that name is an oxymoron if there ever was one.  There was nothing lightly about the go except by the end of it all I was seven pounds lighter.  Good Diet Plan, if you can stand the diet!!!  He also did an outstanding job describing the procedure...NOTHING...Exactly, you remember nothing.  It is a GOOD sleep.  I remember turning to watch on the screen, I had every intention on staying awake...I'm glad I slept.  The part he left out or perhaps was too delicate to talk about was the post-treatment.  You see in order to view the colon well, they have to fill you with gas.  Before you leave you have to expel all that gas.  As I was waiting for my turn in the procedure room, I was lying on a cot listening to all my neighbors (just a hanging curtain away) and the nurses.  The nurses would say, "Come on now, before we let you leave you must pass all this gas.  You can do it."  And then I'd HEAR it... OH MY!  My mother would have come unglued!  That is not something you do or say in polite society, but we are in a clinic.  Anyway, I was mortified...if the procedure did not have me anxious I now really had a reason to be scared.  As they rolled me back, I closed my eyes.  First I closed my eyes so I would not accidentally see any of those gas passers, afraid I might know them.  Second I closed my eyes to pray, "Dear Lord, You know if the pre-treatment and the procedure do not kill me, if the nurse says, "Come on, pass that gas!", that'll do it.  Just please take me on to heaven.  This is not how I planned to go, but..."  Well, I'm proof the Lord answers prayers.  First, He knows what's best...I slept during the procedure...Second, all the nurse said to me when I awoke was, "Mrs. Evans, you may get dressed the doctor will see you in a minute."  See there...now I will say that I'm almost sure I saw some curtains move with maybe a person or two peeping as I walked by...but I did not have to be begged to pass gas, in fact my tummy was just as flat as when I walked in there.  I'm not sure they even pumped me with any gas...saving that for the car.  On with the journey...